Did you grow up sharing a bedroom? Sharing a room involves sharing more than space. When BSE and I shared a bedroom growing up, this arrangement led to sharing hairbrushes, clothes and makeup too, which created a little tension.While most children in the world have no idea what it's like to have a room of their own, many 18 year olds headed to college dorms with one or two roommates have never shared a bedroom. This is diminishing a bit as families trade in McMansions for smaller homes, according to the WSJ. But I wonder how not sharing a room growing up has impacted our ability to live in 
community.
community.Our congregation is like the big sister in a family of other siblings and cousins. It's "our space" because we were there first, but others have joined us to make one big, messy family. Many of us (the corporate Big Sister) are perfectly happy sharing, although it's annoying when someone takes our coffee cups. And we've learned to clean up after ourselves a little better because there is no Mom or Dad who will do it for us.
One of the questions church consultants ask congregations in determining their mission is this:
If your congregation disappeared, would anybody miss it? Would anyone notice?
If we are not serving the community (i.e. people who are not members) then we are not fulfilling our calling, plain and simple. Some congregations serve by sending money and mission teams far away, and that feels easier, more adventurous,and more controllable.
But it's also adventurous to invite strangers into our local church buildings for ministry. You might be surprised how adventurous it can be. But it will involve losing some "control."
- If you leave a book on Monday where the middle schoolers meet on Sunday, chances are you will not find it the next Sunday because several other groups would have used that space - and moved it to make way for their own books.
- If you have planned a meeting in a room that holds 20 and only 5 people plan to attend, chances are you will be asked to trade space to accomodate the larger group.
- Even if you have been a member for 50+ years, you can't assume that your favorite room will be available for your Bible study unless you've reserved it through the church office.
The changes are not merely administrative. They are theological: it's not our building. It's God's building that we and people before us have provided to make disciples. I've seen disciples made when Christians were merely and honestly hospitable. The church is not a private club.
Having said this - as a Myers Briggs introvert who likes her own space - this all works better when we are actually in relationship with the groups meeting in our church buildings.
Having said this - as a Myers Briggs introvert who likes her own space - this all works better when we are actually in relationship with the groups meeting in our church buildings.
Just as I could get along with sharing a room with my sister because I loved her, we will fare better when we know each other (and maybe learn to care for each other.) How long does it take to become part of the family in your congregation? Is it even possible to be called "family" if someone finds God in an Overeater's Anonymous Meeting instead of 11 am worship?
Photos from 1st Congregational UCC in Our Nation's Capitol, which is doing some cool things and Bridge Shelter in Dallas.
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At Pilgrims we have gone through at least four stages in relation to our building: We once were a large congregation with plenty of resources that used the entire building for our own purposes. Then we were a somewhat smaller congregation, not using the entire building, but with enough resources to share the building with outside groups at no charge. For many years we did this as a matter of principle. By the time I arrived ten years ago, we were a smaller congregation, running out of money, subsidizing other groups at our own expense by charging below market rates. Now we use every square inch of the building and parking lot, so our large building pays for itself on an annual basis. We still charge below market for groups that share our mission (such as the National Coalition for the Homeless), but everyone pays their fair share. The more "market rate" rentals not only make it possible for this small congregation to maintain this very large building without it feeling like an albatross around our neck, but enable us to offer the building as community space when asked. Still, some folks long for the good old days when we always gave the building away for free.
I love the idea of a barter system for church buildings - we provide you with a rehearsal space/office space/meeting space, and you share your gift of music/organizational skills/volunteer labor. It's hard to assess what is "fair" when we consider our Christian calling, but it is reasonable for all concerned to be as neighborly as possible.
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