After meeting with M yesterday, I have some clarity. Sometimes people ask me to help them figure out Their Purpose in Life and I need this too.At the risk of making this post all about me and only me, this seems to be where I've been and where I am as a pastor today:
- Was called 20 years ago to serve a redevelopment church after it split.
- Spent the first years doing triage (You can honestly trust us. We won't embezzle your money, share your secrets, or change the locks when you aren't looking.)
- Spent the next years doing painful/necessary things. (Must. Close. Preschool.)
- Worked hard doing all the things learned in seminary. Was told we were doing a pretty good job.
- Found the institutional church still struggling nevertheless.
- Realized we would never return to the heyday of Church Life Before the Split.
- Read books and blogs. Went to conferences. Talked with smart people.
- Realized that Things Must Change.
- Restructured leadership. Trained people. Preached about it. Talked about it. Trained more people. Preached about it some more. Talked about it. Eventually blogged about it. Went to more conferences.
- Was told I'm New Church Development Material.
- Was told I'm Transforming Churches Material.
- Was told "Don't ever leave." Was told "It's time to leave." Was told "You deserve a sabbatical." Was told "You don't deserve a sabbatical." Was told "We like it when you preach about happy things." Was told "Keep preaching about edgy things."
- Realized that pleasing God is more important than pleasing other people.
- Trying to figure out how to please God in terms of how I use my gifts/spend my time.
M. tells me that maybe I'm called to be a bridge.
I like bridges. But I don't want to sound all Bill Clinton-y here. I don't want this to become my gimmick/motto. But maybe - instead of transforming a 20th century established church or starting new 21st century church - I'm called to point to what is behind us and what is before us and invite people - in the most positive way possible - to stay where they are with great joy to the glory of God or to cross the bridge to something new with great joy to the glory of God.
I pray that in these traveling weeks ahead, I get some time to sit near bridges and ponder this. Some of the bridges may look like this. And some may look like this.
Mosaic of bridges: Key, Memorial, Jeff, Bosphorus.
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6 comments:
I went kayaking under the Key Bridge yesterday. Building bridges, walking across bridges, how about pondering being underneath them for a little while whilst everything passes by and the water keeps flowing?
A dear friend likes to say "Build a bridge... and get over it." I have been known to add "But don't put a match to that bridge after you've crossed... in case you need to go back." Thanks for sharing. As a new postulant and almost-seminarian, these are things I hope to keep in front of me as part of my formation. Blessings to you on your sabbatical.
I can't tell you how crazy it was to open this today and read a conversation I had with one of my seminary friends 5 months ago... We're proabably roughly the same age as you, but took the circuitous route to ordained ministry.
Anyway- the thing we keep coming back to as we look out at the landscape of denominational and tradtional church life, is that we are part of the generation that can (and I think should) help the church cross over from where she is today to where God calls her to be in the coming years.
It won't be easy (building in the air over water never is). And the work isn't over when the building is done (folks will be crossing for years to come). But the more bridge people we have out there, the more likely we are to see a church of Kingdom builders on the other side.
I like this book a lot: Building a Bridge As You Walk on It by Robert Quinn.
To All -
The tricky part (and the reason for this sabbatical) is that many of us are pastors of two churches within one. I've blogged on this before.
We serve a church of people who want to stay on the Constantinian Church side (20th C. or maybe even 19th) and we serve another church of people who exegete the culture and channel Josiah and see that the future of the church of Jesus Christ (the 21st C.) is on the other side.
Yes, building a bridge while walking across it is difficult but when there are others who keep pulling you backwards, it's hard to keep your balance.
praying for discernment in particular as you journey
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