I'm not a big fan of Mothers' Day. In fact I semi-hate it, all for immature and deeply personal reasons. But the campaign to have us all make cards and brunch reservations is already here - more than two weeks before the blessed day.This year could go down as a Liturgical Test Case:
Will we celebrate the Feast of Pentecost and feature tongues of fire and the rush of a mighty Wind?
Or will we succumb to Hallmarkian pressure - not to mention congregational pressure - to focus on Mothers' Day? OR - will we try to create a hybrid liturgy? (I'm still interested in your Pentecost/Mothers' Day combo sermon titles.)
Here's the thing: it's never felt as comfortable being the mom as it felt honoring the mom on the second Sunday in May. I go along with the whole thing because my kids and husband generously want to give me "my special day." But for lots and lots of people -- women who long to be moms, people with mean moms, people with moms who left, people whose moms died giving birth to them, moms of children who died, moms with children in the military, people with sick moms, and my own club: people with dead moms -- it's a virtual pain fest.
As I shared in last week's sermon, I remember my sister telling me that in her grieving process, it had occurred to her that she'd loved our parents more than God. This is fairly universal of course. We all love someone or something more than we love God. We love our children more, we love our stuff more, we love our own power more, etc. etc.
Running errands for my own kids yesterday, I realized how this happens. TBC needed flowers to give a neighbor who wrote a reference letter for her and I made it happen. She needed something to bring to the team potluck and, again, I made it happen. FBC needed some financial errands run for him and I ran them in between meetings. This is what moms do.
Before you say to yourself, "Those kids need to run their own errands," know that I do what I do because they literally can't run their own errands. They live far away or they have no car or they have even busier schedules than I do.
And weirdly, it's sort of like I make myself God to them. They need it and I deliver. They mess up and I forgive. I want them to be the people they were created to be.
Clearly, I am not God to them or to anyone, but the whole omnipotent thing kicks in and there you have it. I unwittingly saw my own mom in this position too, until suddenly she was gone and I needed a better, more perfect (and real) Almighty One.
This is how idolatry works. We worship/try to please/fear/live our lives for things less than God and eventually we are disappointed. In fact, even God can disappoint us but I've come to believe this happens because we are impatient and blind.
So . . . this is kind of a bummer post for a lovely Thursday with 17 days to go before The Big Day. I guess I'm just bracing myself. I had a really good mom.
On a happier note, TBC said this as she grabbed the flowers to take to our neighbor: "Mom, I appreciate everything you do."
This is better than breakfast in bed.
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17 comments:
i'm definitely doing pentecost, not mother's day. though perhaps i'll throw a bone to mother's day with the prayers and the youth group is doing coffee hour in honor of their moms.
it has been a hard day for me the past several years. now that we are expecting our first child it may have a certain sweetness this year, but i know how hard it can be, so... i just don't.
powerful reflection on how parents become gods. thanks.
Returning to possible Pentecost/Mother's Day sermon titles:
Mums,As of Fire
Not Just a Mother Ordinary Sunday
This was not a "bummer post" it was stirring and profound. I hear you. I think I've become a better mother since I've embraced the whole "I create my children's world" aspect of it. I think that used to scare me.
About Mother's Day itself -- it has always brought about my iconoclastic, non-sentimental side. Maybe it's all these years of preaching on the blame day.
Oh, PS: Have a happy Mother's Day!
(I'm still interested in your Pentecost/Mothers' Day combo sermon titles.)
You could do a sermon on how Moms say the same stuff no matter what language they use. Stop it! Go to bed! Listen to me! Hehe.
I'd been thinking "Burn that Mother Down" for my sermon title on Pentecost, but I'm not sure that would be well received. It also doesn't translate well into Korean.
Jan - a beautiful, powerful post. I have always struggled with this 'holiday'in church, to the point where in planning meetings I hear my coworkers whispering to one another, "Don't get her wound up about Mother's Day..."
We come to church to worship Jesus. Not mom.
We'll make mention, do a cute song (the Anita Renfro 'Momisms', set to the William Tell Overture - worth a look on youtube if you haven't seen it), and the message is about relating to your parents in general. Of course, we don't follow a liturgy, so we aren't as challenged...
Great post. I'm blessed again...
LOL at beloved spear's title! I love it.
Definitely going with Pentecost, but like morecows will throw the mom thing a bone.
This is profound, and probably the best analysis of the Mother's Day phenomenon I've ever read. My own relationship with my mother is complicated, so the day already begins with layers of weirdness. Then add worship and everyone else's expectations, and Blammo!
I swore off mother's day all together... until one young, frustrated mom in, who gave up a prestigious teaching post to stay at home with her kids pleaded with me:
"We kill ourselves, every holiday is for our kids. And we get one day. One day of recognition. And what do we choose to do with it? We go to church. The church is packed with moms. The least that you could do is recognize us."
And so I do a better job of it now. But I still try to give some room for the grief as well. And I comfort myself with the fact that it is a holiday that originated in church....
Thanks for the post.
This Mother's Day will be Anny's first. It's been a long, long time coming. I have to celebrate her and all that she is and has become.
I'm not sure that I like it in church. Not really sure, though. I'm having a blast looking at the titles that have been put out there!
you've hit one of my not-so-funny bones with this one, too. mother's day has been tricky for me for a number of reasons, so last year i designated my own mother's day. if interested you can read "call me mom" here: http://diamondsintheskywithlucy.blogspot.com/2007/04/call-me-mom.html
i know you were focusing on the honorer rather than the honoree, but i am also painfully aware of those moms whose children refuse, forget, whatever to remember their mothers on this special day (or any other day of the year for that matter).
thanks for the reminder of the swiftly approaching day. ironically my first reminder came yesterday from a church reader board that said "moms rock."
mom as rock...perhaps another sermon title?
There was a title in the first blog post - Don't Coming Running to Me when You're on Fire or something like that....weave in what dannah mentioned, tie to how the Spirit might work telling us what we need to hear whether we want to hear it or not....
And the post - is not a bummer but succint and honest and as you often do, it struck a chord or two and will resonate for a while.As the mother of a son in basic training (Army enlistee) who writes about how strange it is to carry a gun to chapel on Sunday and who has prayed to be able to zero in marksmanship, as the mother of another son who will be a 2LT upon graduation next year, a mom who still helps out with life stuff/errands when circumstances call for it as you describe...you get the idea of where this might have grabbed me. Write on, please.
This will be made easy for me because it's also our intergenerational Children's Day, traditionally held in this church on Pentecost.
But if I were preaching, I might call it "Mama said there'd be days like this..."
Or "Mama always says, never play fireball in the house."
We're Pentecost people here.
Thanks for the fine post.
As you do so often, you said it all and powerfully so.
Definitely Pentecost. I'll put Mother's Day in the prayer, as well as prayers for all of the difficult situations already mentioned, as well as a prayer of thanksgiving for all who do the work of mothering, no matter who they are. I learned last year that in the UK and Australia (I think), it's called Mothering Sunday, which is far better, in my opinion.
I have similar discomfort with fourth of July, Memorial Day, etc. But that's a whole other can of worms, I know.
And thanks very much for your reflections on how Mother's Day can be difficult, even if one both had a good mother and is a good mother.
Thank you for "getting it". I try to avoid going to church on Mother's Day, if at all possible.
Beautiful post, and I am not a person who is responsible for planning, preaching or even needing to show up on Mother's Day. So normally, I avoid it. Which I find sad, but healthy for personal reasons, as it brings me profound sadness in ways I can't even talk about. But this year! Ah! My favorite day in the whole church year, Pentecost, falling on MD?
I hope my priest and church is thinking about such things.
hmmm...I think there are parallels between the Holy Spirit and moms. Moms are kind of like the female part of the Godhead. When God made families, He was giving us a visual aid to show us the relationships that we can have with Him. He gave us dads to help us understand that He is our heavenly Father. We adore the Son who shows us we are brothers and sisters in Christ. The Holy Spirit guides, counsels, teaches and sometimes gives us a guilt trip, just like mom.(only when we need it of course) Our earthly relationships are given to us to understand that God is all about relationships. That's what He wants from us, a loving, close relationship.
We celebrate all women on Mother's day, but the sermon isn't necessarily pointed in that direction. Our pastor gives appreciation to anyone that is a mom or had a mom. That about covers it. Moms demonstrate that nurturing side of the Godhead.
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