Remembering the Life of a (Not So Christian?) Man

I have other sheep that do not belong to this fold.

John 10:16

God is definitely doing something funky in my life.

The homily I was going to preach at Wednesday's memorial service for an 87 year old man, who only recently started attending Sunday worship, was tossed on the way the to pulpit. Instead, I preached two mini-homilies: one for the church members who came, and one for the friends and family who rarely - if ever - come through the doors of an institutional church building. The widow and one adult son are members of our congregation. The other adult sons and daughter are not. There were many church members present. But there were also many who were completely unfamiliar with All Things Church.

I could tell the first time I met one of the (not a church person) sons - the day after his father died - that he was wary of me.

You could almost see him tense up, when I came to his parents' house, as if he was thinking, "Oh God, not the minister." He seemed a bit friendlier when it was obvious that I was not going to talk about the evils of gay marriage or abortion. Or when he said, "It's hotter than hell in this @%^!* house," and I agreed.

Just as I very much like the church members from this family, I immediately liked these family members (who were not the churchy ones) too. They were real and interesting and creative. They would probably never cross the threshold of our church building on a Sunday morning. But they were thoughtful and bright. And clearly good.

And as we talked, it was clear that they cared about helping oppressed people and creating beauty and sharing what they have.

And their friends at the Memorial Service -- who also do not belong to the "fold" -- were equally spiritual beings with compassion and grace, although some of them seemed to feel awkward standing in a church lobby. Afterwards, they said something like, "I enjoyed your talk."

My "talk" during the memorial service occured after several of the grown sons told moving stories about their 87 year old father's extraordinary life as a pilot and actor and Air Force officer and writer. "He never stopped," they said. I suddenly felt such love for these people and their father who barely was a part of our congregation. It moved me to share two different messages:

• For the people who stay away from institutional church - We, in the church, worship a God who never stops acting, loving, creating, doing whatever it takes to get our attention. And when people who do not usually venture into a church building do come in, I find myself praying they will receive at least a glimpse of this God. And I pray that they will not witness any of the stereotypical things that keep people away. It pains me that so many people do not know the stories about this God who never stops.


• For the people who spend much of their energies inside the institutional church - Remember that there are people who follow Jesus in the way they live who may not call themselves "Christian." They have come inside today to pay respects to a good man. But it pains me that we in the church have made it difficult for others to be included in the fold.

Sadly, upstairs for the post-service refreshments . . .

- the church people huddled in groups discussing who was bringing what salad to the upcoming Salad Potluck,

- the not-so-churchy people stood together talking about how much they would miss G. and how amazing his life had been.

I could have wept. We simply cannot seem to get together -- those who live in the church bubble (to use Dan Kimball's term) and those who don't. Ugh.