
Most of us have interfaith couples in our congregations, even if the "interfaith" part generally involves one who is simply a believer and one who is simply not.
An interfaith union has its issues, but none is as fraught with tension as the ones that arise when the couple has children. The usual drill goes like this:
- Couple weds involving some negotiation on how God will play a part in the ceremony
- Couple either worships individually (one goes one way; one goes another on their version of the Sabbath) OR
- Couple worships together in both traditions. Maybe one week, they worship at X and the next week they worship at Y
- Children enter the picture and there are Difficult Conversations. Maybe a pre-marital decision was made regarding What To Do With The Children. Or maybe the couple saved that conversation for when/if children were born. Or maybe a decision was made ("No problem, let's raise them in your faith") but once the child comes, the acquiescent parent is having second thoughts ("Actually, I always dreamed about the day my daughter would celebrate her First Communion in a white dress.")
Our faith memories and traditions pack a wallop emotionally in terms of everything from family rituals to eternal life. As a follower of Jesus, I wonder what the future holds for our faith as our culture becomes more diverse. My own inclination is to embrace interfaith relationships and to encourage our children to have friends of every faith tradition. But what if FBC marries a Muslim woman or SBC marries a Jewish woman or TBC marries a Sikh? It could happen.
I wonder what difference it makes if our children have grown up to be merely cultural believers.
For example, if we are cultural Christians, we might teach our children that being Christian involves celebrating Christmas and Easter but focussing more on stockings filled with candy canes and baskets full of Peeps, rather than Candlelight Communion and sunrise vigils and anything to do with the real Jesus. There might even be baptism and confirmation for the sake of checking a couple of institutional/social matters off a list, but even those sacred rites of the church seem less important in some Christian households.
If we who are Christian have raised cultural believers instead of disciples of Jesus, then our children's rituals of faith will be flat and, again, more about stockings and egg hunts - which can involve wonderful memories, but fall short in terms of an enduring way of life.
Generations Y and Z have the reputation of being givers. They volunteer their time generously and want to make a difference in the world. This is the basic premise of several of the Great Religions, but there are loose theologies like In Good We Trust which have become the unofficial faith community of many.
Again, I'm curious about what the future holds and how this impacts our own congregation's Christian Education. I want couples to care deeply about their children's spiritual upbringing in a way that is more than indoctrination or teaching cultural norms. I want our church to train disciples who are equipped to follow Jesus because that is the best way to live.
For me it's not about ensuring that our children go to heaven, although there are many who fiercely believe that "there is only one way to heaven and it's mine." I trust that God will work that out and I increasingly believe we might be flabbergasted over who indeed makes it to heaven. I pray for mercy for myself and others.
But what are your congregations doing to create young disciples who will devote their lives to something bigger than themselves in the name of Christ? Are you watching some families go through the motions? How are your interfaith couples raising their kids?